Three Orcs Walk Into a Bar

This adventure takes place in a bar in Bet-kalamar, though it could take place in any bar that accepts Orcs. You should use this after your players’ characters have completed an adventure, and are still weakened from that adventure.

This is a shareware adventure. If you decide to use it, you must pay me $1.00.

The Orcs

The three Orcs are named El-Greco, El-Ravager, and El-Fredo. They are on a suicide mission to increase the visibility of their religion. They worship Gruumsh.

On walking into the bar, the Orcs yell out that “Gruumsh is the most powerful God in the world.”

If no one responds by fighting the Orcs, the Orcs will continue “All other gods are wusses compared to Gruumsh!”

If no one responds to that, the Orcs will continue that “If you believe that Gruumsh is the most powerful God in the world, and that all other gods are wusses compared to Gruumsh, then continue to drink your Budweiser.”

If no one responds to that, the Orcs will assume that they have won the discusion. They will go to the bar, order some beer, and attempt to engage the player characters in a discussion of the merits of trademark law in role-playing games. If they appear to be losing the discussion (they believe that trademark is restrictive), they will change the subject to character copyright. If they begin to lose that one, which they will if any of the player characters have taken “law” or “copyright law” as a proficiency, they’ll change the subject back to trademark. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Three Orcs (3 HD, hp: 10, 15, 13).

This adventure is compatible with any adventure that uses Hit Dice, including but not limited to Gods & Monsters, Dungeons & Dragons, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, and Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Second Edition. It is probably also compatible with Hackmaster and Dungeons and Dragons 3e.

All of those names are trademarked by somebody else, except for Gods & Monsters.