Miscellaneous Stuff

Seattle-Times Disc-Patch
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Hooliganism Amok in Baltimore
Famous Smuggler Found Missing

Tragedy struck this weekend at an annual convention in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor, Hyatt Regency Hotel. Notorious rigger and suspected smuggler Captain Morgan was abducted from his hotel room early Sunday morning.

Reports indicate that the Captain was kidnapped while hosting a recruitment party for his organization of smugglers, known in the shadows as the Rum Runners.

Eye witnesses present at the escape say there was “… one short guy with a mustache… ” who was carrying the unconscious Morgan down the hall. Convention and Hotel security suspect that the bag man was a dwarf, and that he had accomplices, possibly even convention or hotel staff.

So far no ransom demands have been made, nor have any shadow teams claimed responsibility.

Seattle-Times Disc-Patch
All the News That’s Fit to Fax

Bomb Defused At Factory

AUBURN. An explosive device was removed from the Engineering Laboratories building in the Auburn Industrial Park early this morning. The device was discovered by Angela Seabury, head of the shipping department, when she arrived at work at 7:45 AM. The device was attached to the door leading to the shipping and receiving office. Seabury entered through the door and apparently fainted at the sight of the device. When she awoke several minutes later she called Global Security.

The device was removed by a demolitions team from Global, the firm which provides security for the Auburn Industrial Park. Global Security and Engineering Laboratories both refused to comment on the incident. This reporter has learned from sources in both companies that the device was apparently placed during a break-in at the Engineering Laboratories factory. Information on why the device did not detonate, and what, if anything, was taken from E.L. is unavailable at this time.

Reports of bodies being removed from the Auburn Industrial Park by DocWagon (tm) are unconfirmed at this time. Sources inside Global hint that several Global Security personnel were wounded by gunfire during the break-in last night.

Engineering Laboratories, Inc. manufactures a wide variety of molded plastic products including replicas of famous buildings and natural wonders. Their ‘Famous Structures’ line includes the Sears/IBM Tower, Statue of Liberty, Eiffel Tower, Space Needle, and Buckingham Palace. A company spokesman said their newest product is a desk set shaped like Mt. Fuji.

Seattle-Times Disc-Patch
All the News That’s Fit to Fax

Break-In Leads To Gang Violence

Redmond. An early morning break-in at 11374 Redmond Ave., the home of Raymond Shattuck, apparently lead to a shoot-out between members of rival gangs. Shortly after midnight several members of the Tyrants reportedly responded to an alarm at Mr. Shattuck’s house. The Tyrants are a local street gang who claim the neighborhood around Mr. Shattuck’s house. A gang spokesman, Bigmouth, aka Norman Schwatrzkopf, said, “We provide a necessary service to the good citizens of our neighborhood. When was the last time you saw a Lone Star patrol in this neighborhood at midnight? When the alarm was reported a security team was dispatched to deal with the intruders. That’s SOP.”

Surviving members of the ‘security team’ reported a group of six to eight metahumans, including at least one troll armed with an assault cannon. They also reported several magicians. “They wuzzn’t wearin’ no colors nor nuthin’, but they musta been Screamers,” said survivor Scuzzy Poleaxe. The Screamers are a go-gang whose membership includes many orks and trolls. The Screamers and Tyrants have engaged in several bloody battles over the last six months.

A running gun battle left three members of the Tyrants dead and six wounded. During a wild high speed chase through the residential streets, three Tyrants were killed when their car’s windshield was shot out and it crashed through the front window of a Stuffer Shack (tm). Seven occupants of the Shack were killed and sixteen were transported to area hospitals with a variety of injuries.

A spokesman for Lone Star Security said that his company has the incident under investigation. “I hope this will convince the citizens of Seattle that vigilantes are not capable of providing the level of protection that the trained professionals of Lone Star can. If the citizens of that neighborhood would like to consult with our contracts department I’m sure we can provide an adequate, cost-efficient package for them.”