"Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route!"
#
"The War on Drugs has had many undesirable consequences, not least
 among them the mass production of experts on drug abuse."
                             -- Thomas Szasz
#
"If textbooks of pharmacology legitimately contain a chapter on drug
 abuse, then, by the same token, textbooks of gynecology and urology
 should contain a chapter on prostitution; textbooks of physiology,
 a chapter on perversion; textbooks of genetics, a chapter on the
 racial inferiority of Jews and Negroes; textbooks of mathematics, a
 chapter on gambling syndicates; and, of course, textbooks of astronomy,
 a chapter on sun worship."
                             -- Thomas Szasz
#
"People who make liquor are businessmen, not the 'members of an
 international ring of alcohol refiners"; people who sell liquor
 are retail merchants, not 'pushers'; and people who buy liquor
 are citizens, not 'dope fiends.' The same goes for tobacco, coffee,
 and tea."
                             -- Thomas Szasz
#
"What the people did not realize then was that *they* were the witches
 and the bewitched, and what they do not realize now is that *they*
 are the pushers and the addicts. With monotonous regularity, the
 people foolishly fear the harmless scapegoats, and blindly trust the
 dangerous scapegoaters."
                             -- Thomas Szasz
#
"Right from the start, then, the Indians were peyote addicts -- while
 the Americans laughed all the way to the speakeasies. And so it has
 been ever since, except that today, whites, blacks, and Puerto
 Ricans -- that is, all of us -- are treated like the Indians were
 fifty years ago."
                             -- Thomas Szasz
#
"Drug abuse is much more than the use of illegal and disapproved drugs
 by some members of society. It is the whole mentality that leads a
 society to make available to its citizens worse drugs rather than
 better ones."
                             -- Andrew Weil
#
"These changes in point of view cannot happen overnight, for they
 require acceptance of painful truths: that children daydreaming
 in class, for example, might be using their minds much more
 profitably than children paying attention;"
                             -- Andrew Weil
#
"'The drug problem must be solved through education, not law enforcement'
 has become a familiar slogan in enlightened circles, but in my experience
 the people who use it mean that educators are to take over the job of
 keeping young people from using drugs, by scaring them in more
 sophisticated ways than policemen can. That would not be a real change."
                             -- Andrew Weil, 1972
#
"When I was conducting human experiments with marihuana in Boston in
 1968, a Federal Narcotics Bureau agent told me that no matter how my
 experiments came out, he would remain convinced that 'marihuana makes
 people aggressive and violent.'.... He had one piece of evidence dating
 from the early 1950s, when he had been seized by a curiosity to watch
 people smoke the drug.... Accordingly, he had disguised himself as a
 beatnik and made his way to a Greenwich Village tea party. When he
 revealed himself as a Narcotics Bureau agent, 'everyone there became
 aggressive and violent.'"
                              -- Andrew Weil
#
"I did not take mescaline because I went to Harvard, met Timothy Leary,
 rebelled against my parents, was amotivated, or sought escape from
 reality. I took it because I was a normal American teen-ager whose
 curiosity had survived thrteen years of American education."
                              -- Andrew Weil
#
"How can you expect your children to respect authorities who will ruin a
 person's life for possession of marijuana or put a man in jail for using
 a drug with the abuse potential of a cocktail?"
                             -- Dr. David Smith
#
"The problem is that the only thing worse than Guns n' Roses is
 censorship."
                             -- The Economist, 12/23/89
#
"The DEA hates LSD because it epitomizes many of the best
 characteristics of the alternative drug culture:  it is non-
 addictive, rarely causes crime or violence, and often begets
 strong spiritual feelings.  Moreover, it is distributed by people
 who have a strong ethical sense that is difficult for narcotics
 agents to penetrate."
         -- Dale Gieringer, California Drug Policy Reform Coalition
#
"When the great time-sharing plan on condo Earth began, real-estate was
 for the wealthy few. Now even low-class bugs and germs could afford the
 easy terms on a luxury apartment with a view."
                             -- Mark Graham, "The Big Band Theory"
#
"This two-legged prima-donna told all the other fauna that the starring
 role was his and his alone. And when the others asked him why, he just
 pointed at the sky, and said that God had told him on the phone."
                             -- Mark Graham, "The Big Band Theory"
#
"With promethean desire, he soon discovered fire, and arson but a single
 step from there."
                             -- Mark Graham, "The Big Band Theory"
#
"I hate to bum you out but you have without a doubt the ugliest aura
 this poor boy's ever seen."
                             -- Mark Graham, "New Age Guy"
#
"Definition of the PC Movement: It's what happens when Liberals start
 acting like Conservatives."
                             -- Animesh Karna
#
"Remember, if they want to hassle you, the charge doesn't have to
 be good enough to stand up in court, just good enough to avoid
 claims of misconduct or false arrest or malicious prosecution.
 And possession of the handcuff keys is nine-tenths of the law."
                             -- Joe Chew
#
"But, yes, I'm sure Jesus *is* a hippie, *loves* the Dead, and has a
 *hell* of a tape collection."
                             -- Joe Brust
#
"Perhaps Clinton knows that if he was seen to personally lead a crusade
 to legalize drugs he would wake up one morning next to his own severed
 head, or someone would equip his car with an external combustion engine.
 Can you imagine the organized crime bosses who make billions a year
 supplying America with drugs sitting idly by while laws are pushed
 through by one man that will break their business? How much does it cost
 to have a president assassinated? 1 million? 10 million? A bargain at
 ten times the price considering the profit at stake."
                             -- Stephen Mathers
#
"I really don't want to eat dinner with Steven Tyler. I am afraid of
 projectile vomiting."
                             -- Dave C. Lefevre
#
"I was lighting a cigarette outside the local strip mall video store,
 and a woman I do not know stopped and said, "You know, _I_ realized
 that everytime _I_ lit a cigarette, I was _really_ trying to stuff
 a feeling," before flouncing on in to the newly opened espresso bar."

 I remember thinking, (after "did that really happen?") ahHAAA!, so THIS
 is the nineties!"
                             -- Morgan Mussell
#
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away".
                              --Philip K. Dick
#
  _____     _____
 /     \   /     \
/       \ /       \
\                 /
 \/| I went to |\/
   | Sodom and |
   | Gomorrah  |
   | and all I |
   |  got was  |
   | this lousy|
   |  T-shirt  |
   |___________|
#
"Refrigerator... Why are we always sooner or later...
 Bitchin' in the kichen or
 crying in the bedroom all night."
                              -- Shock Treatment
#
"An opponent might argue that using proportional representation in the
 House would create more gridlock and stall a lot of legislation.
 Personally, I have always thought that gridlock was underrated."
                              -- Russell Turpin
#
"If you need a 'sobriety checkpoint' to tell whether someone is drinking
 and driving or not, then they must have been doing ok."
                              -- Fred McCall
#
"If the auto industry were like the computer industry, a car would  now
 cost $5, would get 5000 miles to the gallon, and at random times would
 explode, killing all its passengers."
                              -- John Chambers
#
"I felt it was time the Bible was put into its proper context. It's a good
 book, in fact it's *The* Good Book, but it was only a biography, and an
 *unauthorized* one at that. I didn't even write it."
                              -- God
#
            _
           ( |
         ___\ \
        (__()  `-|
        (___()   |
        (__()    |
        (_()__.--|
#
"Still, legal or not, the risk is entirely assumed by the person
 busting open that door.  As it should be.  If I see an auto accident and
 yank a guy out of a burning car, one would hope I'd not be sued should
 he have a broken back when I moved him.  Were I to yank a guy out of
 his car, break his back, and then find two marijuana seeds in his glove
 box, I would hope the law would see fit to remove me of all my income."
                              -- Dan Sorenson
#
"In our paternalistic society, agencies like the FDA feel obliged to
 regulate what should be common sense."
                              -- Eric E. Snyder
#
"Guidelines for DEA drug task force agents in three adjacent states
 give conflicting advice on when officers are supposed to become
 suspicious:
  Agents in Illinois are told it's suspicious if their subjects
    are among the first people off a plane, because it shows they're
    in a hurry.
  In Michigan, the DEA says that being thje last off a plane is
    suspicious because the subject is trying to appear unconcerned.
  And in Ohio, agents are told suspicion should surface when
    suspects deplane in the middle of a group -- they may be trying
    to lose themselves in the crowd."
                           -- Pittsburgh Press
#
'In Tennessee, an agent told a judge he was leery of a man
 because he "walked quickly through the airport." Six weeks later, in
 another affadavit, the same agent said his suspicions were aroused
 because the suspect "walked with intentional slowness after getting
 off the bus."'
                           -- Pittsburgh Press
#
'Included in Watson's profile was that Belcher had bought a
 one-way ticket on the date of travel; was traveling to a "source"
 city, El Paso, "where drug dealers have long been known to be
 exporting large amounts of marijuana to other parts of the country";
 and was carrying $100, $50, $20, $10, and $5 bills, "which is
 consistent with drug asset seizures."
'Watson made no mention as to what denomination other than $1
 bills was left for non-drug traffickers to carry.'
                          -- Pittsburgh Press
#
"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
 I think I've forgotten this before.
                        -- Steven Wright
#
"What's another word for thesaurus?"
                        -- Stephen Wright
#
"LSD has an unfortunate, but unavoidable side-effect. It makes rich
 white Republicans look like fascist toads."
                        -- Barry Smith
#
"Some of our criminal codes take into account the "habitual
 offender status" of the convicted. Why should our assessment of
 government agencies be any different?"
                        -- Charles Scripter
#
"Baldric, you wouldn't know a subtle plan if it painted
 itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord,
 singing 'Subtle Plans Are Here Again.'"
#
"That I'll believe when I see the Messiah step out of a flying
 saucer in Times Square doing an Irish jig."
                        -- Elliot S! Maggin
#
"Taking a turn at 7.5 g's generates enough force to crush Jean-Louis
 Gassee's ego."
                        -- Guy Kawasaki
#
"Don't blame me! I voted for the OTHER liar."
                        -- Christopher Morton
#
"But the thing is, you don't have many suspects who
 are innocent of a crime. That's contradictory. If a
 person is innocent of a crime, then he is not a
 suspect."
                        -- Ed Meese, US News & World Report, 10-15-85
#
"The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably
 by the Prohibition law. For nothing is more destructive of respect
 for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which
 cannot be enforced. It is an open secret that the dangerous increase
 of crime in this country is closely connected with this."
                        -- Albert Einstein, July 7, 1921
#
"Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome
 nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I
 hate them!"
                        -- Albert Einstein
#
"I wish I had Angels who sang in my dreams."
                       -- Nanci Griffith, If Wishes Were Changes
#
"There's a storm out on the ocean;
  God bless the ships at sea.
 There's a storm down in my lover's heart,
  Oh, God bless me."
                       -- Nanci Griffith, Storms
#
"If wishes were changes, we'd all live in roses,
 and there wouldn't be children who cried in their sleep."
                       -- Nanci Griffith, If Wishes Were Changes
#
"Crime is contagious.  If the government becomes a lawbreaker, it
 breeds contempt for law...  To declare that in the administration
 of the criminal law the end justifies the means -- to declare that
 the government may commit crimes in order to secure the conviction
 of a lawbreaker -- would bring terrible retribution.  Against this
 pernicious doctrine this Court must resolutely set its face."
                       -- Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis,
                          dissenting in "Olmstead v. U.S.," 1928
#
"...when all government... in little as in great things, shall be
 drawn to Washington as the centre of all power, it will render
 powerless the checks provided of one government on another and will
 become as venal and oppressive as the government from which we
 separated."
                             -- Thomas Jefferson, 1821
#
"I don't think we should hold the government responsible for not
 being very clever."
                             -- David "ZZYZX" Steinberg
#
"The American Republic will endure, until politicians realize they can
 bribe the people with their own money."
                             -- Alexis de Tocqueville
#
"I don't dance to music. Music dances to me."
                             -- Keith Lewis
#
Sometimes you have to look reality right in the eye... and deny it.
                             -- Garrison Keillor
#
"This proves that we're winning the war on drugs," said a chain-smoking
administration official over cocktails.
                             -- Keith Lynch
#
"Did William Faulkner have little creatures on his old typewriter?
 If so, they were the product of whiskey, which addles the brain less
 than cartoon creatures and menus and buttons that send messages to
 the screen demanding: "Abort? Quit? Try Again? Drop Dead? Exit? Go To
 Hell You Schnook?" 
                             -- Mike Royko
#
"He'd been off work less than an hour, shanghaid by crazed hippies,
 and served a surprisingly good beer."
                             -- Tamara Skaredoff
#
"When women are done wrong in blues songs, they generally do some major
 butt whuppin' before the song is over."
                             -- Wayne Bledsoe
#
"Using alcohol and tobacco as our metrics, even heroine and crack
 prohibition cannot be justified."
                             -- Paul Haeger
#
"Frankly, I hope that when they do find life on other planets,
 it's better, and has better radio shows, than ours."
                             -- Dennis Rohatyn
#
"You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here.
 And whether you believe it or not, the universe is laughing
 behind your back."
                             -- Desiderata
#
"Have you no Honor?"
"Aye indeed. I keep it at the bottom of my backpack and take it out to
 shine it up and look at it on windy nights in the wilderness, by the
 fire. It looks grand, I tell you. But it is poor company, and
 doesn't keep one warm.
                              Torm, Knight of Myth Drannor
#
"Fortune comes a crawlin', Calliope woman,
 Spinnin' that curious sense of your own;
 Can you answer? Yes, I can...
 But what would be the answer to the answer man?
                     -- St. Stephen (Grateful Dead)
#
"Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"Hello. My name is Oedipus. I killed my father and married my mother.
 Prepare to watch me tear out my eyes."

"Hello. My name is Hamlet. You killed my father and married my mother.
 Should I do something about it or not?"
#
"Always loved the girl next door -- anyplace but home!"
                     -- Bill Monroe, "Free Born Man"
#
"Weave a circle 'round him thrice;
  Avert your eyes with holy dread;
 For he on honey dew hath fed,
  And drunk the milk of paradise."
#
"In Xanadu did Kublai Khan
  A stately pleasure dome decree,
  Where Alph, the sacred river ran,
  Through caverns measureless to man,
 Down to a sunless sea."
#
"Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!"
                     -- James Joyce
#
"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the poor as well as the rich
 to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets, and steal bread."
#
"She's in love with me and I feel fine."
                     -- The Beatles
#
"Elvis is dead! And I'm glad! So everyone can just suck my dick!"
                     -- Joey Harris, "Rebel Alliance/Knee Deep in Come"
#
"The bus may be different, but it's the same trip."
                     -- Grace Slick
#
"What is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures
 or conversations?"
                     -- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
#
"She had read several nice little stories about children who had got
 burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts, and other unpleasant things,
 all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules their friends
 had taught them:  such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if
 you hold it too long; and that, if you cut your finger VERY deeply
 with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that,
 if you drink much from a bottle marked "poison", it is almost
 certain to disagree with you, sooner or later."
                     -- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
#
"Ain't no doubt about it, we were doubly blessed;
 'cause we were barely seventeen and we were barely dressed."
                     -- Meat Loaf (Paradise by the Dashboard Lights)
#
"I've been lonely, I've been cheated,
  I've been misunderstood.
 I've been washed up, I've been put down,
   and told I'm no good;
 But with you I belong, cause you help me be strong.
 There's a change in my life, since you came along."
                     -- "Change in My Life" (Leap of Faith)
#
"I smoke two joints in time of peace, two in time of war;
 I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two more."
                      -- The Toys
#
"Surely both in China and in Japan, art is what we create when we are
 unable to suppress our feelings."
                      -- Ki No Tsurayuki
#
"Dancing is especially known by its circulation of the blood,
 to keep off the disease of old age."
                     -- Suma Genji
#
"Grown men," he told himself, in flat contradiction of centuries of
accumulated evidence about the way grown men behave, "do not behave
like this."
                     -- Douglas Adams
#
"Won't you take that ride ride ride ride,
  on heavy metal...
 It's the only way that you can travel
  down that road..."
                     -- Heavy Metal
#
"So farewell to the guns and the drilling and the marching,
  and when I get back home no more soldierin' for me."
                     -- Rostover
#
"Around and around and around went the big sails,
 turning the shaft and the great wooden wheel.
 Creaking and groaning, the millstone kept turning
 grinding to flour the good corn from the fields."
                     -- Windmill
#
"You're a damned fool if you stay, but there's no better place to go."
                     -- Haul Down the Sails
#
"And the young people ask, what are they marching for....
 and I ask myself the same question.
 And the band plays Waltzing Mathilda;
 and the old men still answer the call
 and year after year, the numbers get fewer...
 someday no one will march there at all."
                     -- Waltzing Mathilda
#
"Waltzing Mathilda, Waltzing Mathilda;
 Who'll come a Waltzing Mathilda with me?
 and their ghosts may be heard
 as they march by the billabong,
 who'll come a Waltzing Mathilda with me."
                     -- Waltzing Mathilda
#
"Never knew there were worse things than dying."
                     -- Waltzing Mathilda
#
"The psilocybin mushroom has an overdose level of about half the victim's
 body weight. Pretty hard to swallow in one go. Especially on toast."
                     -- Derek Tearn
#
"Now you tow it to the repo-man's front door,
 and you give him these keys, I don't need 'em no more."
                     -- Come a Long Way
                        Michelle Shocked
#
"Sex and violence has become an everyday thing for the 1980s
 generation that once embraced the Reagan Revolution. We live
 in savage times. Oliver North is a hero, Ed Meese is rich, and
 a monstrous film called "Blue Velvet" is nominated for three
 academy awards."
                     -- Hunter S. Thompson
#
"People who work the long distance lines at the darkest hour
 of the morning tend to be a special breed. When the phone rings
 at three it will not be the Culligan Man, or anybody else with
 a straight job."
                     -- Hunter S. Thompson
                        Generation of Swine
#
"Not even the Book of Revelation threatens a plague of vengeful yahoos."
                     -- Hunter S. Thompson
                        Generation of Swine
#
"What do you say about a generation that has been taught that _rain is
 poison_ and _sex is death_? If making love might be fatal and if a
 cool spring rain on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue
 lake into a puddle of black poison scum right in front of your
 eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation."
                     -- Hunter S. Thompson
                        Generation of Swine
#
"If there is, in fact, a Heaven and a Hell, all we know for sure is
 that Hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix."
                     -- Hunter S. Thompson
                        Generation of Swine
#
"The Egyptians, you may recall, invented the _colonnade._ The Greeks
 combined it with their own motifs and began building those famous
 temples that look like banks!"
                                -- Larry Gonick
                                   A Cartoon History of the Universe
#
"Why, this is so simple, a _child_ could learn it!"
"Good. Are there any children around who can teach it to us?"
                                -- Larry Gonick
                                   A Cartoon History of the Universe
#
"Our only pleasures are a job well done, a glorious death, and
 humping little boys!"
                                -- Larry Gonick
                                   A Cartoon History of the Universe
#
"So sex was good for individual differences, and individual differences
 were good for survival. Therefore, sexual beings _survived,_ and the
 ones who did best were the ones who _liked_ sex the _most_ -- which
 is why sex felt good _then_, feels good _now_, and can only feel
 _better_ tomorrow."
                                -- Larry Gonick
#
       Aiko Aiko all day, jockomo feno na na nay, jockomoa feena nay.
                                            Aiko Aiko
#
       Well I ain't superstitious, but a black cat crossed my trail,
       Don't brush me with my broom, Babe, I just might land in jail.
                           Ain't Superstitious / Meet Me on the Bottom
#
       I told Althea I'm a roving son, and I was born to be a bachelor.
       Althea told me, okay, that's fine, so now I'm trying to catch her.
                                             Althea
#
       I have spent my life seeking all that's still unsung.
       Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.
       When there was no strings to play, you played to me.
                                        Attics of My Life
#
       In the book of love's own dream, where all the print is blood.
       Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.
       When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me.
                                        Attics of My Life
#
       In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.
       When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.
       When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.
                                        Attics of My Life
#
       Well I taught that weeping willow how to cry cry cry,
       Taught the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky.
       Tears I cried for that woman are gonna flood you big river,
       And I'm a gonna sit right here until I die.
                                            Big River
#
       If you hear that same sweet song again, will you know why?
       Anyone who sings a tune so sweet is passin' by,
       Laugh in the sunshine, sing, cry in the dark, fly through the night.
                                            Bird Song
#
       I've had liquid laughs in cars, and I've hurled from moving cars,
       And I've chuckled when and where it suited me.
       But if I could choose the spot,
       To regurgitate me lot, then I'd chunder in the Old Pacific Sea.
                                           Bondi Pier
#
       Maybe you'll find direction,
       Around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you.
       What do you want me to do, to watch for you while you are sleeping?
       The please don't be surprised when you find me dreaming too.
                                           Box of Rain
#
       What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
       It's all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago.
                                           Box of Rain
#
       What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
       A box of rain will ease the pain, and love will see you through.
                                           Box of Rain
#
       There are times when I have begged you
       And you do the same to me.
       If you can't or won't admit it,
       At least we pulled you through.
                                         Built to Last
#
       Three blue stars, set o'er the hill.
       Call them back; you never will.
       All these trials, soon be dead.
       We all need something built to last.
                                         Built to Last
#
       Trouble ahead, Lady in red,
       Take my advice you'd be better off dead.
       Switchman's sleeping, train hundred and two is
       On the wrong track and headed for you.
                                           Casey Jones
#
       Trouble with you is the trouble with me,
       Got two good eyes but you still don't see.
       Come round the bend, you know it's the end,
       The fireman screams and the engine just gleams...
                                           Casey Jones
#
       Blow the horn, tap the tambourine.
       Close the gap on the dark years in between.
       You and me, Cassidy.
                                             Cassidy
#
       Look for a while at the China Cat sunflower,
       Proud walking jingle in the midnight sun.
       Copperdome bodhi drip a silver kimono,
       Like a crazy quilt stargown through a dream night wind.
                                       China Cat Sunflower
#
       If you can abide it, let the hurdy-gurdy play,
       stranger ones have come by here before they flew away.
       I will not condemn you nor yet would I deny,
       I would ask the same of you, but failing, will not die.
                                           China Doll
#
       Take up your china doll, take up your china doll,
       it's only fractured and just a little nervous from the fall.
                                           China Doll
#
       I'd rather be in some dark hollow where the sun don't ever shine
       Then to be at home alone and knowin' that you're gone
       Would cause me to lose my mind.
                                          Dark Hollow
#
       Well blow your whistle freight train carry me far on down the track
       Well I'm going away, I'm leaving today
       I'm goin', but I ain't comin' back.
                                          Dark Hollow
#
       I'd rather be in some dark hollow where the sun don't ever shine
       Then to be in some big city, in a small room, with you upon my mind.
                                          Dark Hollow
#
       Mirror shatters in formless reflections of matter.
       Glass hand dissolving to ice petal flowers revolving.
       Lady in velvet recedes in the nights of goodbye.
       Shall we go, you and I while we can
       Through the transitive nightfall of diamonds?
                                           Dark Star
#
       Which is to say, hey hey, keep yer day job
       Don't give it away, keep yer day job, whatever they say
       Keep yer day job 'till your night job pays.
                                            Day Job
#
       Tried to please her, she only played one night stands
       Tried to please her, she only played one night stands now
       She was a day tripper, Sunday driver yeah
       It took me so long to find out, and I found out
                                          Day Tripper
#
       Once I Knew A Preacher, Preached The Bible Thru And Thru
       He Went Down To Deep Elem, Now His Preaching Days Are Thru
                                        Deep Elem Blues
#
       When I awoke, the Dire Wolf, six hundred pounds of sin,
       Was grinning at my window, all I said was "Come on in".
       Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me.  Please, don't murder me.
                                          Dire Wolf
#
       The Wolf came in, I got my cards, we sat down for a game.
       I cut my deck to the Queen of Spades, but the cards were all the same.
       Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me.  Please, don't murder me.
                                          Dire Wolf
#
       In the backwash of Fennario, the black and bloody mire,
       The Dire Wolf collects his dues, while the boys sing 'round the fire.
       Don't murder me, I beg of you, don't murder me.  Please, don't murder me.
                                          Dire Wolf
#
       Hear the mighty engines roar, see the silver bird on high
       She's away and westward bound, far above the clouds she'll fly
       There the morning rain don't fall and the sun always shines
       She'll be flying over my home in about three hours time
                                       Early Morning Rain
#
       Long distance runner, what you holdin' out for?
       Caught in slow motion in a dash for the door.
       The flame from your stage has now spread to the floor
       You gave all you had.  Why you wanna give more?
       The more that you give, the more it will take
       To the thin line beyond which you really can't fake.
                                      Fire On The Mountain
#
       Well everybody's dancin' in a ring around the sun
       Nobody's finished, we ain't even begun.
       So take off your shoes, child, and take off your hat.
       Try on your wings and find out where it's at.
                            The Golden Road (to unlimited devotion)
#
       Well the oppressors are trying to keep me down
       Trying to drive me underground
       And they think that they have got the battle won
       I say forgive them Lord they know not what they've done.
                                      The Harder They Come
#
       And I'll keep on fighting for the things I want
       Though I know that when you're dead you can't
       But I'd rather be a free man in my grave
       Than living as a puppet or a slave.
                                      The Harder They Come
#
       Paradise waits, on the crest of a wave, her angels in flames.
       She has no pain, like a child she is pure, she is not to blame.
       Poised for flight, wings spread bright, spring from night into the sun.
       Don't stop to run, she can fly like a lie, she can't be outdone.
                                        Help on the Way
#
       Tell me the cost; I can pay, let me go, tell me love is not lost.
       Sell everything; without love day to day insanity's king.
       I will pay day by day, anyway, lock, bolt and key.
       Crippled but free, I was blind all the time I was learning to see.
                                        Help on the Way
#
       Nine mile skid on a ten mile ride, hot as a pistol but cool inside.
       Cat on a tin roof, dogs in a pile,
       Nothin' left to do but smile, smile, smile!!!!
                                           He's Gone
#
       I need a woman 'bout twice my age
       A lady of nobility, gentility and rage
       Splendor in the dark, lightning on the draw
       We'll go right through the book and break each and every law.
                                        I Need A Miracle
#
       I need a woman 'bout twice my height
       Statuesque, raven-dressed, a goddess of the night.
       Her secret incantations, a candle burning blue
       We'll consult the spirits maybe they'll know what to do.
                                        I Need A Miracle
#
       Annie laid her head down in the roses.
       She had ribbons, ribbons, ribbons, in her long brown hair.
       I don't know, maybe it was the roses,
       All I know I could not leave her there.
                                   It Must Have Been The Roses
#
       I don't know, it must have been the roses,
       The roses or the ribbons in her long brown hair.
       I don't know, maybe it was the roses,
       All I know I could not leave her there.
                                   It Must Have Been The Roses
#
       One pane of glass in the window,
       No one is complaining, no, come in and shut the door,
       Faded is the crimson from the ribbons that she wore,
       And it's strange how no one comes round any more.
                                   It Must Have Been The Roses
#
       The highway is for gamblers, you better use your sense.
       Take what you have gathered from coincidence.
       The empty handed painter from your streets
       Is drawing crazy patterns on your sheets.
                                   It's All Over Now Baby Blue
#
       All your seasick sailors, they are rowing home
       All your empty-handed armies are all going home.
       Your lover who has just walked out your door
       has taken all his blankets from the floor.
                                   It's All Over Now Baby Blue
#
       Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to do.
       Nothin' ain't worth nothin' but it's free.
       Feelin' good was easy Lord, when Bobby sang the blues.
       Feelin' good was good enough for me, good enough for me and Bobby McGee.
                                       Me and Bobby McGee
#
       Is there anything a man don't stand to lose,
       When the devil wants to take it all away?
       Cherish well your thoughts, and keep a tight grip on your booze,
       Cause thinkin' and drinkin' are all I have today.
                                         Mexicali Blues
#
       Is there anything a man don't stand to lose
       When he lets a woman hold him in her hands?
       He just might find himself out there on horseback in the dark
       Just ridin' and runnin' across those desert sands.
                                         Mexicali Blues
#
       Big locomotive right on time, big locomotive coming down the line.
       Big locomotive No. 99, left the engineer with a worried mind.
                                    Monkey and the Engineer
#
       Open up the switch I'm gonna let him through the hole,
       Cause the monkey's got the locomotive under control.
                                    Monkey and the Engineer
#
       Never trust a woman who wears her pants too tight
       She might love you tomorrow, but she'll be gone tomorrow night
                                       Never Trust A Woman
#
       I was born in the desert Raised in a lion's den
       I was born in the desert Raised in a lion's den
       Oh, my number one occupation is stealing women from their men
                                    All New Minglewood Blues
#
       Like my father before me, I'm a peaceful man
       Like my brother before me, I took a rebel stand
       Just 18, proud and gray, but a Yankee laid him in his grave
       Swear by the blood running through (on) my feet
       You can't raise a Caine back up when he's in defeat
                               The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down
#
       All my life I've been waitin', tonight there will be no hesitatin'
       Oh boy, when you're with me
       Oh boy, all the world would see that you were meant for me
                                             Oh Boy
#
       We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee;
       We don't take our trips on LSD;
       We don't burn our draft cards down on Main Street;
       We like livin' right, and bein' free.
                                       Oakie From Muskogee
#
       We don't make a party out of lovin';
       We like holdin' hands and pitchin' woo;
       We don't let our hair grow long and shaggy,
       Like the hippies out in San Francisco do.
                                       Oakie From Muskogee
#
       I'm proud to be an Oakie from Muskogee,
       A place where even squares can have a ball.
       We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
       And white lightnin's still the biggest thrill of all.
                                       Oakie From Muskogee
#
       Leather boots are still in style for mainly footwear;
       Beads and roman sandals won't be seen.
       Football's still the roughest thing on campus,
       And the kids here still respect the college dean.
                                       Oakie From Muskogee
#
       I would marry you sweet William-O, I would marry you sweet William-O
       I would marry you but your guineas are too few
       And I fear my mama would be angry-O.
                                         Pretty Peggy-O
#
       As we rode out to fennario, as we rode out to Fennario
       Our captain fell in love with a lady like a dove,
       And called her by a name, pretty Peggy-O.
                                         Pretty Peggy-O
#
       I left my home in Norfolk Virginia, California on my mind.
                                         Promised Land
#
       Come all without, come all within.
       You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.
                                         Quinn The Eskimo
#
Now the race is on and here comes pride up the back stretch,
Heartaches a goin' to the inside, my tears are holding back, tryin' not to fall.
My heart's out of the running, true love scratched for another's sake,
The race is on and it looks like heartaches, and the winner loses all.
                                         The Race Is On
#
       One day I ventured in love never once suspecting
       What the final result would be.
       Now I live in fear of waking up each morning,
       And finding that you're gone from me.
                                         The Race Is On
#
       It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken,
       Perhaps they're better left unsung.
       I don't know, don't really care
       Let there be songs to fill the air.
                                             Ripple
#
       Reach out your hand if your cup be empty,
       If your cup is full may it be again,
       Let it be known there is a fountain,
       That was not made by the hands of men.
                                             Ripple
#
       There is a road, no simple highway,
       Between the dawn and the dark of night,
       And if you go no one may follow,
       That path is for your steps alone.
                                             Ripple
#
       Said Santa to a boy child "What have you been longing for?"
       "All I want for Christmas is a Rock and Roll electric guitar"
       And away went Rudolph a whizzing like a shooting star
                               Run, Rudolph Run
#
       Said Santa to a girl child "What would you like most to get?"
       "I want a little baby doll that can cry, scream and wet"
       And away went Rudolph a whizzing like a Saber jet
                               Run, Rudolph Run
#
       You can shave my head, clean as my hand
       And my strength will become as natural as any old man.
                              Samson and Delilah
#
       If I had my way, if I had my way, if I had my way,
       I would tear this old building down.
                              Samson and Delilah
#
       She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes.
       And I knew without askin' she was into the blues.
       She wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls,
       I knew right away she was not like other girls.
                               Scarlet Begonias
#
       In the thick of the evening when the dealing got rough,
       She was too pat to open and too cool to bluff.
       As I picked up my matches and was closing the door,
       I had one of those flashes I'd been there before.
                               Scarlet Begonias
#
       In that case I don't want no part
       That would only break my heart
       Well, if you feel like loving me and if you got the notion
       I second that emotion.
                             I Second That Emotion
#
       The bottles stand as empty, as they were filled before.
       Time there was and plenty, but from that cup no more.
       Though I could not caution all, I still might warn a few:
       Don't lend your hand to raise no flag atop no ship of fools.
                                 Ship of Fools
#
       Silver threads and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine
       And I dare drown my sorrow in the warm glow of your mind
       You can't buy my love with money 'cause I ain't never been that kind
       Silver threads and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine
                       Silver Threads and Golden Needles
#
       They walked along by the old canal a little confused, I remember well
       And stopped into a strange hotel with a neon burnin' bright
       He felt the heat of the night hit him like a freight train
       Moving with a simple twist of fate
                             Simple Twist Of Fate
#
       A saxophone someplace far off played as she was walkin' by the arcade
       As the light bust through a beat-up shade where he was wakin' up
       She dropped a coin into the cup of the blind man at the gate
       And forgot about a simple twist of fate
                             Simple Twist Of Fate
#
       He woke up, the room was bare, he didn't see her anywhere
       He told himself he didn't care, pushed the window open wide
       Felt an emptiness inside to which he just could not relate
       Brought on by a simple twist of fate
                             Simple Twist Of Fate
#
       He hears the ticking of the clocks
       And walks along with a parrot that talks
       Hunts her down by the waterfront docks where the sailors all come in
       Maybe she'll pick him out again, how long must he wait
       Once more for a simple twist of fate
                             Simple Twist Of Fate
#
       People tell me it's a sin to know and feel too much within
       I still believe she was my twin, but I lost the ring
       She was born in the spring, but I was born too late
       Blame it on a simple twist of fate
                             Simple Twist Of Fate
#
   Sugar magnolia, blossoms blooming, heads all empty and I don't care,
   Saw my baby down by the river, knew she'd have to come up soon for air.
   Sweet blossom come on, under the willow,
      we can have high times if you'll abide
   We can discover the wonders of nature,
      rolling in the rushes down by the riverside.
                                         Sugar Magnolia
#
   She comes skimmin' through rays of violet, she can wade in a drop of dew,
   She don't come and I don't follow, waits backstage while I sing to you.
                                         Sugar Magnolia
#
       I looked over Jordan and what did I see coming for to carry me home
       A band of angels is coming after me, coming for to carry me home.
                                     Swing Low Sweet Chariot
#
       Skippin' through the lily fields I came across an empty space,
       It trembled and exploded, left a bus stop in it's place.
       The bus came by and I got on, that's when it all began,
       There was cowboy Neal at the wheel of the bus to never ever land.
                                   That's It For The Other One
#
       To be with you, once more, to be with you.
       With our bodies close together
       let the world go by, like the clouds a'streamin'
       to lay me down, one last time, to lay me down
                                         To Lay Me Down
#
       Arrows of neon and flashing marquees out on Main Street.
       Chicago, New York, Detroit and it's all on the same street.
       Your typical city involved in a typical daydream
       Hang it up and see what tomorrow brings.
                                            Truckin'
#
       Well the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry any more,
       'Cause when life looks like Easy Street, there is danger at your door.
       Think this through with me, let me know your mind,
       Wo, oh, what I want to know, is are you kind?
                                        Uncle John's Band
#
       It's a buck dancer's choice my friend; better take my advice.
       You know all the rules by now and the fire from the ice.
       Will you come with me?  Won't you come with me?
       Wo, oh, what I want to know, will you come with me?
                                        Uncle John's Band
#
    Goddamn, well I declare, have you seen the like?
    Their walls are built of cannonballs, their motto is "Don't tread on me."
    Come hear Uncle John's Band playing to the tide,
    Come with me, or go alone, he's come to take his children home.
                                        Uncle John's Band
#
       It's the same story the crow told me; it's the only one he knows.
       Like the morning sun you come and like the wind you go.
       Ain't no time to hate, barely time to wait,
       Wo, oh, what I want to know, where does the time go?
                                        Uncle John's Band
#
       I live in a silver mine and I call it Beggar's Tomb;
       I got me a violin and I beg you call the tune,
       anybody's choice, I can hear your voice.
       Wo, oh, what I want to know, how does the song go?
                                        Uncle John's Band
#
       You got to listen to the heavens, you got to try to understand,
       The greatness of their movement is just as small as it is grand.
                                      Walk in the Sunshine
#
       You got to deep-six your wristwatch, you got to try and understand,
       The time it seems to capture is just the movement of its hands.
                                      Walk in the Sunshine
#
       Well, I saw Lon Cheney walking with the Queen
       Doing the werewolves of London
       I saw Lon Cheney Jr. walking with the Queen
       I saw a werewolf dringing a pina colada at Trader Vic's
       And his hair was perfect
       Hi ho, the werewolves of London, draw blood
                                      Werewolves of London
#
"Moral philosophy amounts to little more than six syllables."
                    -- Greg Morrow
#
"Professional ear-piercing -- while u wait!"
                    -- sign in a Westfield, NJ jewelry store
#
"Pooh," said Rabbit Kindly, "you haven't any brain,"
"I know," said Pooh Humbly.
                             -- Winnie-the-Pooh
#
"I have been Foolish and Deluded,
 and I am a Bear of No Brain at All."
                             -- Pooh
#
   "When you go after honey with a balloon, the great thing is
not to let the bees know you're coming. Now, if you have a
green balloon, they might think you were only part of the tree,
and not notice you, and if you have a blue balloon, they might
think you were only part of the sky, and not notice you, and
the question is: Which is most likely?"
   "Wouldn't they notice _you_ underneath the balloon?" you
asked.
   "They might or they might not," said Winnie-the-Pooh. "You
never can tell with bees."
                   -- Winnie-The-Pooh
#
   Looking very calm, very dignified, with his legs in the air,
came Eeyore from beneath the bridge.
   "Eeyore, what _are_ you doing there?" said Rabbit.
   "I'll give you three guesses, Rabbit. Digging holes in the
ground? Wrong. Leaping from branch to branch of a young oak
tree? Wrong. Waiting for somebody to help me out of the river?
Right. Give Rabbit time, and he'll always get the answer."
                   -- The House at Pooh Corner
#
   "But, Eeyore," said Pooh in distress, "what can we -- I mean,
how shall we -- do you think if we ---"
   "Yes," said Eeyore, "One of those would be just the thing.
Thank you, Pooh."
                   -- The House at Pooh Corner
#
   "Supposing we hit him by mistake?" said Piglet anxiously.
   "Or supposing you missed him by mistake," said Eeyore.
"Think of all the possibilities, Piglet, before you settle
down to enjoy yourselves."
                   -- The House at Pooh Corner
#
   "Tigger is all right _really_," said Piglet lazily.
   "Of course he is," said Christopher Robin.
   "Everybody is _really_," said Pooh. "That's what _I_
think, said Pooh. "But I don't suppose I'm right," he said.
   "Of course you are," said Christopher Robin.
                   -- The House at Pooh Corner
#
   "Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
   "Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
                   -- The House at Pooh Corner
#
   "Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully.
   "Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever."
   "And he has Brain."
   "Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."
   There was a long silence.
   "I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything."
                   -- The House at Pooh Corner
#
   "A party for Me?" thought Pooh to himself. "How grand!"
                   --- Winnie-the-Pooh
#
   "When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's
    the first thing you say to yourself?"
   "What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do _you_ say, Piglet?"
   "I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting _today_?_" said
   Piglet.
   Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
   "It's the same thing," he said.
                   -- Winnie-the-Pooh
#
"All Animals are equal. But some Animals are more equal than others."
                   -- George Orwell, Animal Farm
#
"Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike.
 No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs.
 The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig,
 and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say
 which was which."
                   -- George Orwell, Animal Farm
#
"I had lunch this week with the members of the Judicial
 Selection Committee, and they were talking about a
 consent search warrant. I said I didn't know what a
 consent search warrant was. They said, "Well, that's
 when two policemen go to a house. One of them goes to
 the front door and knocks on it, and the other one runs
 around to the back door and yells 'come in.'"
                  -- Jimmy Carter, May 4 1974, University of Georgia
#
"You are very fat and stupid and persistently wear a ridiculous
 hat which you should be ashamed of."
                   -- The Great Zaganza
#
"Monotony can damage your health!"
                   -- Mr. Nobody
#
"I am old, Peter. I am ever so much more than twenty."
                   -- Wendy Moira Angela Darling
#
"Television is bubble gum for the eyes."
                   -- Frank Lloyd Wright
#
"It's time to stop defending a world sick with reason!
 Aristotle and Newton were useless farts who made a
 machine of this whirling, wonderful world. Let's stop
 all the clocks and kiss the walls goodbye."
                   -- Mr. Nobody
#
"And now, let's bless 'em all: the long and the short and
 the tall, the mad, the bad, and the lonely. The ugly and
 the unsure and the completely invisible. And bless the
 little lamb who made us into sheep. Amen!"
                   -- Mr. Nobody
#
"God knows I tried, as only a chimneypot can try. But they
 don't want strangeness and unpredictability in their
 lives. They tire of it so soon, though they never tire
 of tedium."
                   -- Mr. Nobody
#
"Your cat doesn't care about you. Your cat doesn't give a flying
 fuck about you!"
                   -- Robin Williams
#
"Omnipotence is most omnipotent when one does nothing!" answered
 the machine. "You climb to reach the summit, but once there,
 discover that all roads lead down!"
                   -- Stanislaw Lem
                      The Cyberiad: Fables for the Cybernetic Age
#
"Bullwinkle, we're not running away!"
"We're not?"
"No!"
"Then how come I'm out of breath?"
                   -- Bullwinkle and Rocky
#
"Are we not proof that the universe is a drooling idiot with no
 fashion sense?"
                   -- Mr. Nobody
#
"...this is the first time I've actually stood on the surface of
 another planet.... a whole alien world...! Pity it's such a dump
 though."
                   -- Arthur Dent
#
"The mice were furious."
                   -- Slartibartfast
#
"Look," said Arthur, "would it save you a lot of time if I just
 gave up and went mad now?"
                   -- Arthur Dent
#
"Perhaps I'm old and tired," he continued, "but I always think
 that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so
 absurdly remote that the only thing to do is say hang the sense
 of it and just keep yourself occupied. Look at me: I design
 coastlines. I got an award for Norway."
                   -- Slartibartfast
#
"Are we all wired, or did you slow down the toasters?"
                   -- Malcolm the Troll, aka Rory Keating
#
"I work at home, and I have found that this arrangement has a
 tremendous potential for personal growth, because nobody will
 notice if you eat as many as 20 lunches per day. Plus you have
 no incentive to take showers, which results in personal growths
 in your armpits, which tends to limit your social life. If you
 have dogs, which I do, you find yourself talking to them a lot,
 not in a condescending manner, but as equals. Eventually you
 abandon personal hygiene altogether and degenerate into a
 primitive life form, living in your underwear and licking Cheez
 Whiz directly out of the jar. When delivery people come, you
 bark and try to sniff their privates."
                   -- Dave Barry
#
"In Boston, the drivers don't even follow the laws of *physics*!"
                   -- Dave Barry
#
"We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second
 to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball
 countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt
 like it."
                   --Dave Barry
#
"Daylight-Saving Time originated as a prank played by bored government
 employees who wanted to see if they could get an entire nation to change
 all its clocks twice a year without having the faintest idea why."
                   --Dave Barry
#
"If you don't want to own a gun, you can take up karate, a form of
 martial arts in which people who have had years and years of
 training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the
 worst movies in the history of the world. They can also break
 boards, which could be very useful if an intruder enters your
 home and tries to hide behind your spare lumber so the dog can't
 get at him."
                   -- Dave Barry
#
"Sometimes I suspect that sailboats never move at all, and the
 only reason they appear to go from place to place is continental
 drift."
                   -- Dave Barry
#
"Give me an underground laboratory, half a dozen atom smashers,
 and a beautiful girl in a diaphanous veil waiting to be turned
 into a chimpanzee, and I care not who writes the nation's laws."
                   -- S. J. Perelman
#
"A man may fight for many things; his country, his principles,
 his friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden
 child. But personally, I'd mudwrestle my own mother for a ton
 of cash, an amusing clock and a stack of French porn."
                   -- Edmund Blackadder, ca. 1805
#
"The fact is, people have quit politics. Power corrupts, but the
 converse is also true -- powerlessness corrupts."
                   -- Jann S. Wenner, Rolling Stone
#
"If some unemployed punk in New Jersey can get a cassette to make
 love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is
 going to make crack look like Sanka."
                   -- Dennis Miller
#
"People who claim to know jackrabbits will tell you they are primarily
 motivated by Fear, Stupidity, and Craziness. But I have spent enough time
 in jackrabbit country to know that most of them lead pretty dull lives;
 they are bored with their daily routines: eat, fuck, sleep, hop around a
 bush now & then.... No wonder some of them drift over the line into cheap
 thrills once in a while; there has to be a powerful adrenalin rush in
 crouching by the side of a road, waiting for the next set of headlights to
 come along, then streaking out of the bushes with split-second timing and
 making it across to the other side just inches in front of the speeding
 front tires."
                   -- Hunter S. Thompson
#
"And yes, I'm going to get to the point of this post if it KILLS me and
 several innocent bystanders."
                   -- Shafti, the Airborne Deranger
#
Once a student asked the master Zoku:
     "Is the Buddha-nature simple or complex?"
Zoku replied:
     "It is complex -- so complex that you can never comprehend it."
The student then said:
     "I do not believe you. Who are you, anyway? I never heard of you."
Of course not. There never was any such master as Zoku.
#
"'Politically Correct' is just like 'fascist.' Almost completely useless
 and almost completely more revelatory about the speakers than about
 their targets."
                   -- Jim Dyer
#
"On these magic shores children at play are forever beaching their
 coracles. We too have been there; we can still hear the sound of
 the surf, though we shall land no more."
                   -- J.M. Barrie
                      Peter and Wendy
#
"It is easier not to believe in electrons than in dragons:
 electrons, at least taken singly, won't try to make a meal of
 you."
                   -- Stanislaw Lem
                      The Cyberiad: Fables for the Cybernetic Age
#
"Love between two people is a beautiful thing. Among eight or
 nine, it's incredible."
                   -- Charlie 'Uncle Chuck' Fechter
#
"...CBS, home of tasteful made-for-TV movies like _Sins of the
 Mother_, yanked _Pee-wee's Playhouse_, one of the few shows
 on Saturday morning that weren't glorified ads for toys or
 cereal, after its star was arrested for jerking off. Pee-wee's
 only crime, it seems, was doing it in a theater instead of at
 home in front of a CBS-TV movie like the rest of us."
                   -- Rolling Stone, December 12th-16th, 1991
#
"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods
 or no god.  It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."
                   -- Thomas Jefferson
#
"Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts
 to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes crimes out
 of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow
 at the very principles upon which our government was founded."
                   -- Abraham Lincoln
#
 "Nuclear war would really set back cable."
                   --Ted Turner
#
"Living without hallucinations is like breathing with only one
 nostril."
                   [Wisdom from a dying Weisshaupt in CEREBUS]
#
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what
 *can* you believe?!"
                   --Bullwinkle J. Moose
#
"The First Amendment is often inconvenient.  But that is besides the
 point. Inconvenience does not absolve the government of its obligation
 to tolerate speech."
                   --Justice Anthony Kennedy, in 91-155
#
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
       -- ex-Vice President Dan Quayle
#
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
       -- ex-Vice President Dan Quayle
#
"I have made good judgements in the Past. 
 I have made good judgements in the Future."
       -- zen Vice President Dan Quayle
#
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the
 impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
       -- ex-Vice President Dan Quayle
#
I deserve respect for the things I did not do.
       -- zen Vice President Dan Quayle
#
Beware of weird cult which:
* Uses promises of money, a job, and other favors to recruit people;
* Indoctrinates beginners in an armed camp until they're thoroughly
     brainwashed;
* Employs terror, assassination, murder, and threats thereof;
* Is particularly interested in the young, and those who follow
     orders without question;
* Holds against their will members who wish to leave;
* Goes by many names, e.g., The Service, military, Armed Forces,
     ROTC, JROTC, recruiters, Defense, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines,
     National Guard, Green Berets.
        [Bumpersticker from Donnelly/Colt catalogue (Box 188, Hampton, CT
         06247) by War Resisters League (339 Lafayette St., NY 10012)]
#
"When I gave food to the poor, they called me a saint. When I asked
 why the poor were hungry, they called me a communist"
               -- Dom Helder Camara
#
"I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle."
                        - Arthur Dent
#
"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."
                        - Marvin
#
"... one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a
 recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined
 as being anything other than itself."
                        - Douglas Adams
#
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
                        - Vroomfondel
#
"Time is an illusion.  Lunchtime doubly so."
                        - Ford Prefect
#
"Funny how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse
 it suddenly does."
                        - Marvin
#
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers
 exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
 instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre
 and inexplicable. 

 There is another which states that this has already happened."
                        - Douglas Adams
#
"Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe"
 that I wasn't previously aware of."
                        - Arthur Dent
#
"You'll have to excuse me, I'm terribly happy."
                        - Arthur Dent
#
"Man then went on to prove that black was white and got killed
 in the next zebra crossing."
                        - Douglas Adams
#
"You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a
 man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I
 really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
                        - Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent
#
"Myself I'd trust him to the end of the Earth."
"Oh yes, and how far's that?"
"About twelve minutes away, come on, I need a drink."
                        - Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent
#
"I wouldn't trust myself further than I could spit a rat."
                        - Zaphod Beeblebrox
#
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people
 very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
                        - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
#
"I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to
 judge?"
                        - The Ruler of the Universe
#
"The secret of healthy hitchhiking is to eat junk food."
                        - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
#
"I read of one planet off in the seventh dimension that got used as a
 ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into
 a black hole. Killed ten billion people."
"That's mad."
"Yes, only scored thirty points too."
#
	``Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it twice:
		That alone should encourage the crew.
	Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it thrice:
		What I tell you three times is true.''
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	He came as a Butcher: but gravely declared,
		When the ship had been sailing a week,
	He could only kill Beavers.  The Bellman looked scared,
		And was almost too frightened to speak:
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	Yet still, ever after that sorrowful day,
		Whenever the Butcher was by,
	The Beaver kept looking the opposite way,
		And appeared unaccountably shy.
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	``For, although common Snarks do no manner of harm,
		Yet I feel it my duty to say,
	Some are Boojums---''  The Bellman broke off in alarm,
		For the Baker had fainted away.
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	They roused him with muffins---they roused him with ice---
		They roused him with mustard and cress---
	The roused him with jam and judicious advice---
		They set him conundrums to guess.
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	`` `But oh, beamish nephew, beware of the day,
		If your Snark be a Boojum!  For then
	You will softly and suddenly vanish away,
		And never be met with again!'
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	``I engage with the Snark---every night after dark---
		In a dreamy delirious fight:
	I serve it with greens in those shadowy scenes,
		And I use it for striking a light:
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	``But if ever I meet with a Boojum, that day,
		In a moment (of this I am sure),
	I shall softly and suddenly vanish away---
		And the notion I cannot endure!''
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	``I said it in Hebrew---I said it in Dutch---
		I said it in German and Greek:
	But I wholly forgot (and it vexes me much)
		That English is what you speak!''
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
	In the midst of the word he was trying to say,
		In the midst of his laughter and glee,
	He had softly and suddenly vanished away---
		For the Snark _was_ a Boojum, you see.
                             -- The Hunting of the Snark
#
If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude 
greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home and leave us 
in peace. We seek not your council, nor your arms. Crouch down and 
lick the hand that feeds you; and may posterity forget that ye were 
our country men.
                   -- Samuel Adams
#
"Death's this tall guy with a bone face, like a skeletal monk,
 with a scythe and an hourglass and a big white horse and a
 penchant for playing chess with Scandinavians."
                       -- Sexton Furnival
#
"When I was young I used to have this nightmare about dying. I
 used to lie awake at night screaming. All my schoolfriends went
 to heaven or hell, and I was sent to Southend."
                       -- Arthur Dent
#
"Never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters unless
 you are a thirty ton elephant with bronchial pneumonia."
                       -- Zaphod Beeblebrox
#
"Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors and never invite
 them round to dinner."
                       -- Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy
                          Radio Series
#
"Life, don't talk to me about life..."
                      -- Marvin the Paranoid Android
#
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays."
                      -- Arthur Dent
#
"Reason notwithstanding, the Universe continues unabated."
                    -- The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy
                       Radio Series
#
"One's never alone with a rubber duck."
                   -- Captain, 'B' Ark, Golgafrincham Evacuation Fleet
#
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of
 people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
                   -- Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy
#
"Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent more of it."
                   -- Marvin the Paranoid Android
#
"Life is that property which a being will lose as a result of falling
 out of a cold and mysterious cave thirteen miles above ground level."
                   -- Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy
#
"It's not a question whose habitat it is, it's a question of how fast
 you hit it."
                  -- Arthur Dent
#
Footwarrior: All perverts, subversives and trespassers are to be shot!
Arthur Dent: Well, that should keep you busy, 'bye now.
                  -- Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy
#
"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty."
                  -- Vroomfondel, AUPSLOPTP
#
"I mean, yes idealism, yes the dignity of pure research, yes the
 pursuit of truth in all its forms, but there comes a point
 I'm afraid where you begin to suspect that if there's any
 real truth it's that the entire multi-dimensional infinity of
 the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs;
 and if it comes to a choice between spending another ten million
 years finding that out and on the other hand just taking the
 money and running, then I for one could do with the exercise."
                  -- Frankie Mouse
#
"I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk."
#
"It's a damn poor man who only knows one way to spell a word."
                  -- Roosevelt
#
"Masochists are people who have pain confused with pleasure. In a
 society which has television confused with entertainment, Doritos
 confused with food, and Dan Quayle confused with a national political
 leader, masochists are clearly less mixed up than the rest of us."
                  -- P. J. O'Rourke
#
    _--_     _--_    _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_
   ( () )___( () )  ( () )___( () )   ( () )___( () )   ( () )___( () )
    \           /    \           /     \           /     \           /
     (  ' _ `  )      (  ' _ `  )       (  ' _ `  )       (  ' _ `  )
      \  ___  /        \  ___  /         \  ___  /         \  ___  /
    .__( `-' )          ( `-' )           ( `-' )        .__( `-' )  ___
   / !  `---' \      _--'`---_          .--`---'\       /   /`---'`-'   \
  /  \         !    /         \___     /        _>\    /   /          ._/ 
 !   /\        !   /   /       !  \   /  /-___-'   ) /'   /.-----\___/     / -)
 !   !_\______/\. (   <        !__/ /'  (        _/  \___//          `----'   |
  \    \       ! \ \   \      /\    \___/`------' )       \            ______/
   \___/   )  /__/  \--/   \ /  \  ._    \      `<         `--_____----'
     \    /   !       `.    )-   \/  ) ___>-_     \   /-\    \    /
     /   !   /         !   !  `.    / /      `-_   `-/  /    !   !
    !   /__ /___       /  /__   \__/ (  \---__/ `-_    /     /  /__
    (______)____)     (______)        \__)         `-_/     (______)
#
"A day in prison on which one does not weep is a day on which one's
 heart is hard."
                                  -- Oscar Wilde
#
"If after I am free a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me
 to it, I should not mind a bit.... But if after I am free a friend of
 mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it
 most bitterly."
                                  -- Oscar Wilde
#
"Once at least in his life each man walks with Christ to Emmaus."
                                  -- Oscar Wilde
#
