Take the Congressional Drug Test!

I was running through some old files and ran across this drug test. It originally ran in the Tucson Weekly, according to the attribution, December 12, 1990.

Are you ready to test your drugs knowledge? Sharpen your pencils and go!

  1. Since 1986, the U.S. Customs Service has spent more than $100 million to test, build and deploy seven radar balloons on the U.S./Mexican border. How many smugglers have been caught in this effort?

    • More than 5,000
    • About 2,500
    • 942
    • Less than 50
  2. Last year, the Massachusetts National Guard:

    • Patrolled the Atlantic Ocean looking for drug smugglers.
    • Attended a Grateful Dead concert to try to identify suspicious-looking people.
    • Were sent to Peru to eradicate coca plants.
    • Discovered a marijuana field the size of the city of Boston.
  3. In 1989, sailing for a combined 2,347 ship-days costing $33.2 million, the U.S. Navy and Coast Guard:

    • Seized 979 ships and arrested 2,368 drug smugglers.
    • Seized 637 ships and arrested 1,472 drug smugglers.
    • Seized 348 ships and arrested 856 drug smugglers.
    • Seized seven ships and arrested 40 drug smugglers.
  4. Three of the following statements are true. Which statement is false?

    • Enough urine is tested each year to fill Lake Michigan.
    • Two ounces of a particular diet soda held under the arm for one hour will be accepted as a valid urine sample 98 percent of the time.
    • Adding a brand of eyedrops to a urine sample camouflages any trace of marijuana in a drug test.
    • Cocaine users can avoid detection simply by adding bleach to urine.
  5. According to the Bush Administration, the typical cocaine user is white, male, a high school graduate, employed full-time and living in the suburbs. True or False?

    • True
    • False
  6. The Dutch have a far lower per capita consumption rate of drugs than the United States. Who wrote: “The fundamental difference in Dutch drug policy is its demand oriented approach to the problem as opposed to the supply oriented approach favored by the United States and many other countries.”

    • Reverend Jesse Jackson
    • The Bush Administration’s State Department
    • Vice President Dan Quayle
    • Roseanne Barr
  7. Instead of expending the time and effort to catch and prosecute marijuana users, “we should concentrate on prosecuting the rapists and burglars who are a menace to society.” Who made this statement advocating the decriminalization of marijuana?

    • Reverend Jesse Jackson
    • The Bush Administration’s State Department
    • Vice President Dan Quayle
    • Roseanne Barr
  8. For every $1 we spend on treating hard-core drug users, the U.S. taxpayer is saved $3 in reduced crime and other social costs. True or False?

    • True
    • False
  9. Every day, 56,000 hard-core addicts seek treatment, but are turned away for lack of staff or space. True or False?

    • True
    • False
  10. Cocaine is the primary ingredient in the coca plant. The biggest legal importer of coca in the United States is?

    • The federal government
    • The makers of nicotine chewing gum
    • Coca-Cola
    • RJR Tobacco
  11. The Bush Administration claims that the U.S. has 862,000 regular cocaine users. How was that number determined?

    • It’s the total number of High Times magazine subscribers.
    • A survey of hospital emergency rooms.
    • The government interviewed 8,621 people of whom 65 admitted using cocaine weekly. The number was then extrapolated to account for the total U.S. population.
    • A Gallup poll of white, suburban males completed in May, 1990.
  12. Last year, international drug smugglers placed a $30,000 bounty on the head of “Barco.” Who is Barco?

    • The Secret Service code name for the Attorney General.
    • The director of the Bolivian Government police.
    • A U.S. Border Patrol drug-sniffing dog.
    • A mid-level bureaucrat in the Customs Service.
  13. A recent National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA) federal study found:

    • A typical Grateful Dead fan is a white male living in the suburbs.
    • You can blow bigger bubbles with nicotine chewing gum than with regular chewing gum.
    • People who have chocolate cravings and ice cream binges are more likely to become drug addicts.
    • Caterpillars that eat coca plants have constant runny noses and also seem to have trouble sleeping.
    • A typical member of Plato and the Guardians (a legendary 60’s rock ’n roll band) is a white male living in the suburbs.
  14. The inhalant used most by students in Texas is typewriter correction fluid. True or False?

    • True
    • False
  15. In the U.S. last year, the total number of overdose deaths caused by aspirin was virtually the same as the overdose deaths caused from:

    • Tobacco
    • Heroin
    • Alcohol
    • Typewriter correction fluid