FireBlade DVD Review: South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Review by Jerry Stratton, 11/20/1999

I was just trying to make the world a better place for children!

Watch Parker & Stone take on the MPAA and lose the battle but win the war. More political incorrectness than you can beat down with a whip in this movie. Watching “Bigger, Longer and Uncut” finally got me to get out and see the television show it was based on, and I wasn’t disappointed.

This was a great movie, but a disappointing DVD. In its favor, it does sport a 16:9 anamorphic transfer. And it includes the cool trailers. It does not support incremental viewing (starting where you left off the last time), nor does it include any information about the movie itself. Even the scene selection menu sucks shit. It displays only two scenes at a time and doesn’t automatically redisplay when you move the cursor from one set of two to another.

I recommend renting it if you haven’t seen it. If you have seen it, you’ll know whether you want to own it. Just remember that “last memo” (incremental viewing) is disabled.

The movie itself, however, kicks ass! It is a hard-hitting musical assault on everyone who wants to control us “for the sake of the children”. When Satan says “He spent so much time convincing me I was weak and stupid, that I believed it myself”, he speaks for all of us who fear that the Uncle-fucking asswipes in politics are right, that we should give up our freedoms in exchange for a safety that is always transitory or completely illusionary.

The movie is an extension of the television show. A lot of the “extras” in the movie are characters from the television show. With an extra hour, they have the space to add a moral and some music. The music is reminiscent of the songs from “Miss Saigon”, although the resemblance may have come via the watered-down Disney musicals that “South Park” is satirizing. Like the simple animation that underscores the subversive actions and profanity, the melodies, during the movie, is sweetness and light. Over the credits, we get a more rocking version of “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” But who the hell is Brian Boitano? Some skater, apparently.

I think part of what makes this movie so obscene to many critics is that it’s an animated show. This makes it “for children” somehow, despite that fact that children would have to fuckin’ bribe a homeless person to get in: it’s an “R” rated movie. That means “no one under 17” unless an adult risks prosecution and pretends to be their parent or guardian. Of course, no one would ever prosecute that adult, they’d prosecute the theater or the filmmakers, since the real goal has nothing to do with protecting children from profanity.

One of the folks to take it on the ear in this movie is the MPAA. The movie’s subtitle includes the word “Uncut”, but in fact the MPAA did prevail in getting at least one scene cut. (No, this scene isn’t included on the DVD.) Recently, the MPAA has been providing “reasons” for the ratings that they give movies. “South Park” has, besides the ever-present “pervasive vulgar language”, “violent images”, as if cartoon violence is worse than real violence. My favorite has to be “Marie Bais des Anges”, which gets its “R” rating from “teen lawlessness”. Apparently teens seeing teens break the law is too much. Pretend it doesn’t happen and perhaps no one will notice... I expect by the end of 2001 we’ll see “R, for teens sassing their parents and not brushing their teeth.” “R, for teens expressing political opinions.” “R, for teens watching intelligent movies.”

Whatever the fuck twists your crank. Here’s the story: a new “Terrence and Philip” movie has come to town from Canada. The kids see it and start making use of the profane language they hear in it. Their parents decide to put an end to smut, and declare war on Canada. Satan and Saddam Hussein take over the world. The South Park kids kick ass. End of story.

Some examples. Preparing to send ground troops into Canada, the blacks of South Park are in one group, told to implement “Operation Human Shield”. The whites, in another group, are told to implement “Operation Get Behind the Darkies”. “General, did you ever hear of the emancipation proclamation?” “I never listen to hip-hop.” Satan is trying to work out his romance with Saddam Hussein. Besides working out his frustrations by singing a song about the joys of living on earth and going on gay cruises, he also reads a book called “Saddam is from Mars, Satan is from Venus”. After the United States declares war on Canada, the army rounds up all citizens of Canadian ancestry and sends them to concentration camps.

Life is fuckin’ sweet. South Park just reports on it. Buy, rent, or steal, but if you made it this far, watch this movie!

Recommendation: Rent Soon!

Web Sites About South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Brian Boitano on Yahoo
Um, yeah. A skater from somewhere who did something and then appeared in a musical number on the South Park movie.

History of the MPAA Rating System
How the “new” ratings system was created in the sixties. Jack Valentino apparently kicks fucking ass, dude.

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Jerry